It was meant to be my year of Self-Care

But something better happened instead

MEET NJOKI

HELLO BEAUTIFUL,

How are you feeling in this moment? How are you experiencing your last 5 weeks of this year? Do you feel at peace with how this cycle went for you so far?

Anything you'd love to focus on for the remaining days?

With the beginning of this year I had set my intention on creating space for self-care. "Self-Care" - what a trend word, right?

What pictures come to your mind when you think of Self-Care?

When I'm asking myself now, what I actually meant when I chose Self-Care as my guiding force I believe the essence of my longing was tranquillity for my nervous system to calm, it meant tranforming some anxiety patterns to become more loving with life again, making clear decisions where I felt my life flow being stuck. It meant finding ways to practice an inner reality of gratitude and abundance concerning the things I already have, I already created, I already achieved. The picture that I had was a slow picture, a calm body and a peaceful heart.

And: Any vision I had about the practical part of that Self-Care was: I, Me and Myself. Me-time, Me-spaces, Me-practices. Singing with myself, travelling with myself, dancing with myself.

How did it work? Did I "succeed"?

Well. If you ask me whether I had much time with me and myself, singing, travelling or dancing with myself, a lot of me-spaces and tranquillity? Nope. Zero.

And yes, I still succeeded - stay with me.

I know, life never works as planned. But this year was absolutely refusing to follow any plan, any vision, any idea I had set my mind for.

While this was supposed to be the year without any visit to Germany, I ended up spending there several months. First, after I fell severely sick and needed some time for recovery and check up at my mom's place. (My mom's place! I can't remember spending there more than a weekend since I left home 14 years ago.)

That was NOT aligning with my image of self caring me-time I had envisioned. I stayed there for several weeks.

I get back home to Kenya and keep having visitors (no me-time at all!) and just when they're about to leave and the time for me and my slow space seem to be in reach, a sudden death happens within my partner's family: I take a flight and spend another month at home with his family. I want to be as supportive as I can. No me-time.

I'm back since just a week. The day I arrive I head straight to hospital, my closest friend is admitted. I spend several days between hospital and home, where one of my dogs needs 24/7 supervision after an unexpected operation. I walk with her everywhere, to the bathroom, when I take shower, she sleeps in my hut, right now she's here as I write, asking me to re-assure her every second minute. She depends on me, my presence and my care 100% at least for another 14 days.

After that, the last visitor of this year arrives and crosses over with me.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?

I'm not sharing this to arouse pity. This year was definetely far from fulfilling my image of self-caring me-time, quiet spaces and slow surrender. And this year was far from being easy.

BUT THIS YEAR WAS AN INCREDIBLY GENEROUS INVITATON FOR ME TO EXPERIENCE A DIFFERENT SIDE OF SELF-CARE I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED SO MUCH: It was my year of COMMUNITY CARE.

I had asked for Self-Care and I got something better.

It is my year to remember how much self-care lies in the practice of community.

It is my time to experience not just the service but the fulfilling gift that lies in deeply caring for people and walk with them as they need you (I've always cared for people, but from where I stood it had always ended up being more a draining than a life-giving experience to truly show up and support.)

It was my year to experience that I can fall sick, end up in hospital in a foreign country and have a dozen people not leaving my side, non of them blood related.

It was my year to reconcile with some older fears of spending too much family time - and I'm not saying it was only peaceful and light - but it was definetely full of a new level of genuine care and love.

After this year's experiences I look at the idea of self-care differently.

We definitely need moments of self-care. But what if they don't only mean us choosing some time with ourselves, for ourselves, but if they meant giving ourselves into the practice of communal care.

What if Community-Care is the real medicine we need when feeling empty, drained and overwhelmed?

What if self-care has nothing to do with us treating us with me-time moments but if it's all about re-learning to trust? To trust that giving us into the net of humanity doesn't separate us from ourselves but brings us bacl to our center?

This year I hosted several thanks giving ceremonies in my home, just because I was overflowing of gratitude for the people that support me and for how life had carried me and cared for me beyond my control.

This year I have received countless unexpected offers of support, that allowed me to soften my urge to 'self-care' as I had envisioned it and that had obvisouly come from an inner belief that I need to leave community for a while to fill me, but to accept that I was already carried and taken care for, in the midst of life.

This year I've spent unmeasarable time with people in seasons of grief and sickness and against my expectation it didn't empty me - it healed me.

And I wouldn't have imagined any of this when setting my year's focus on self-care. Thanks be to Goddess I got suprised!

Beautiful human!

For the remaining weeks of this year, why don't you let go of the pictures and expectations you have towards your practice of self-care. Why don't you surrender and let the universe take over, reminding you of its infinite ways to care you might have forgotten about.

May these days be filled with love, calm and peace. May you remember that you're cared for, loved and carried. May you find abundance in moments of belonging, sharing and may you find permission to receive. May you experience the gift of community.

Do you know about my page Njoki.org? It's a page for my community projects in Kenya since 12 years and yesterday's post is called "What Does Self-Care Mean In Kenyan?" Check it out, subscribe if you feel like and become part of my space of community care.

Thanks for being here.

All my love,

Jana

MEET NJOKI